i was nothing
by aviatorgirl
Summary: patricia makes a split decision. "She was nothing. He was something. She was nothing, she would always be nothing." peddie angst, post 3x01.


Disclaimer: I don't own House of Anubis or it's characters. Just some peddie angst for my friend and I decided to post it.

Patricia grimaced and burrowed her head further into her pillow. But it was no use, she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, maybe not ever. There were too many thoughts jumbling and tumbling around in her head. Thoughts that criticize and poked at her self esteem. She sighed and turned around to stare at the ceiling. Everything was going fine, perfect even. Maybe that was the problem. Too fairytale like. Maybe she needed drama, maybe she needed trouble. Maybe she didn't believe in happiness. Maybe she didn't deserve this  
happiness. She had everything she wanted. She had Eddie, she had Joy, her best friend back, Sibuna was stronger than ever and they had just defeated Senkhara. But there was this small niggling feeling that something was wrong. Things were too easy; nothing ever came easy for Patricia. She never ever got what she wanted so why was everything so perfect all of a sudden? She sat back and flicked the lamp on, might as well stop pretending to sleep. Her twin grumbled and turned to face the wall as the light lit up in her eyes.

"Patricia" she murmured and sank her head further into the  
pillow, grumbling slightly.

Patricia sighed and turned to look at her twin. Perfection came in the size of Piper, who was musically talented and perfect in every single freaking way. She had perfect manners, the right clothes, the beautiful hair, the smart mind. Sometimes she hated Piper, but she knew it wasn't Piper's fault it was her fault. She was a failure, a misery, a shit best friend and an even worst girlfriend.

She really didn't understand why Eddie even liked her. She didn't understand why he was so nice and sweet to her. No one treated her like that, so why now? She didn't understand how she was important enough to meet his family. She was a nobody filled with no hopes and dreams. She was nothing. He was something. She was nothing, she would always be nothing. She turned back to the ceiling but closed her eyes this time. She  
didn't want to admit it but she thinks she loves him. A bit. Like the size of a pea. Yeah, she loved him to the size of a pea. She sighed inwardly. She was a coward. It was her with the pea sized heart. It was iced before he came. It was a wall so strong that nobody could make a dent let alone a scratch. But slowly he ate away at the ice and filled the pea sized heart. She cringed at the cheesy thought and tried to burn it from her mind. So what? She maybe, not even, loved Eddie. Didn't mean anything. It shouldn't mean anything. She was nothing remember? Patricia thought viciously. She turned and reached for her phone on the desk and flicked it open. Messages and messages from Eddie. Some from Joy, Mara, even one from Amber. But it was absolutely filled with Eddie. She turned it off and grimaced at the wall again. She really couldn't get rid if him, could she?

She sighed and thrashed about in her bed. She slammed her head into the pillow and screamed. While the muffled scream was muffled, Piper turned groggily turned towards her, sleep filled her eyes but so was confusion.

Patricia grabbed the cell phone and texted to Eddie, her fingers typing angrily. Piper watched bewildered.

'What are you doing Patricia?' She asked cautiously as she moved slightly towards her.

'I'm breaking up with Eddie' she muttered as she jabbed the send button, at the same time Piper lurched for the  
phone.

'What are you doing?! Patricia?' She questioned hesitantly as her twin scrambled into a fetal position and began to sob.

'I don't deserve him. I never did. I don't deserve anything. I'm not worth it. Not worth the bloody trouble. ' she muttered as she furiously tried to stop the tears.

'Patricia.' Piper said as she walked towards her.  
'I'm fine Piper. Go back to bed. I'm fine.' Patricia muffled into her pillow as she fell into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
